The "N" Word

As a 2nd grade teacher and a parent I definitely use the word "no" throughout my day.  During my first pregnancy I did a lot of reading about parenting, and I came to find out that Americans are scared to say "no" to their children.  One article said that while they understand that you might be put in a situation that requires you to say "no",  you shouldn't say it often.  While I was reading this I thought, "what the hell has happened to the parents of my generation??" My mother said "no" to me all the time and I am a very well adjusted adult that understands that sometimes there are limits.  I also read that parents don't want to say "no" to their child because they don't want to expose them to negativity, and they don't want to stunt their curiosity and creativity.  ARE THEY CRAZY!?! Even if you decided not to say "no" to your child they will know how to say "no" to you.

When I went back to work in September I didn't have a permanent position so I was placed in a school in Greenpoint,  Brooklyn.  While helping out in classes PreK-2nd grade I encountered something I have never seen before, the child of a hipster.  My 6 weeks in this school was an eye opener, and I have worked with kids for over 10 years.  The majority of my experience has been with kids ages 10-18 from low income neighborhoods.  I have dealt with my share of bad attitudes, smart ass remarks, ignorant parents, and even kids in gangs.  I'll take all of that over a child who is from a middle or upper class neighborhood, being raise by a well educated parent who doesn't believe in saying "no". 

I feel that our society, these parents, and sometimes our education system are doing an injustice to our kids.  We have started worrying so much about the mental and emotional stability of our children that we have forgotten that they are smart, resilient, able to handle everyday life frustrations, and major tragic events.  When our children go out into the real world they are going to hear the word "no" over and over again and they will not be prepared for that if they don't hear it from their parents first.  When parents send their children to school and their child has no concept of rules and limits, not only does the teacher suffer but the child and parents suffer too.  The child doesn't learn as much as they can because the teacher is too busy managing the child's inability to understand why the whole class doesn't revolve around them.  The parents suffer from embarrassment and deciding weather they are going to stick to their parenting philosophies, or if they are going to take the time to teach their child limits and how to follow rules.  Changing a child's behavior when they become school aged is not impossible, but its not a battle any parent wants to take on.

I believe that children feel safe when they have limits, guidelines, rules, consistency, and consequences.  When they know what to expect from the adults around them they relax and enjoy being a child without worrying about what will happen next.  This is another reason why sometimes children behave at school but are crazy at home.  At school their is a schedule, rules, hopefully clear consequences and many limits.  If a child understands how to function inside the box then they will be able to use all their curiosity and creativity to explore the outside of the box.

The minute my son started crawling I started saying no to him because this is when he started getting into things.  I felt that even thought I needed to make changes in my life to accommodate my child, he also needed to realize that somethings don't belong to him.  My husband and I decided that we will not allow our child to take over the apartment.  His stuff belongs in his room and he will learn that he is not allowed to touch everything in the common areas of the apartment.  Don't get me wrong, he touches stuff, but we say "no", explain to him that he is not allowed to touch, and then do it again if he touches stuff again.  Even though he is 16 months he understands what he can and cannot do, and he tests the limits but it is my job to teach him those limits.  I know if I teach my children limits now I won't have to do it later, therefore, I believe that you should say "no" as often as you need to, its one of our many rights at a parent.

Show Me How You Burlesque...

Throughout my life I have always been active in some way, either with dance, gymnastics, or my unsuccessful attempts to go to the gym.  When I was pregnant I did some yoga because my best friend swore by it.  For those of you who don't know me, I really hate yoga.  I signed up for a  prepaid series of classes by my house and I just took the lost and stopped going because I would become so relaxed that I would get annoyed and irritated...I did a lot of walking instead..

My main concern when I found out that I was pregnant was bouncing back after...Today you see all these celebrities who have babies and a few months later they are on the red carpet looking better then they did before their pregnancy.  I don't have the money for a private trainer, I knew that joining another gym would be a waste of money; I needed to figure out what would work for me.

I have been very lucky because it was been such a mild winter that I've been able to go on many long walks in the park.  I've also played a lot of just dance on my wii, now before you start laughing let me explain how that video game is a really good cardio workout and you really build up a sweat.  My husband told me to do push ups, and then he got me a kettle ball that came with a DVD that have three 15 minute workouts, I did that a couple of times (did I mention how much I hate to workout).

Okay....we all know that if your going to get into shape you also need to change your eating habits.  Now I was not the only one in my house that was trying to get back into shape.  My husband and I decided that we would do a detox for the month of January (after all the major eating holiday's).  This meant no alcohol, sweets, or carbs for a whole month.  Have you tried to go a whole month without eating bread?? it sucks!!  For about 2 weeks I was very grumpy, mainly because I was hungry and I've never been hungry on purpose before...I actually yelled at my husband about the amount of potatoes he was serving me...


During this crazy month of hunger and grumpiness I also became very frustrated with the fact that I was not getting out the house enough on my own; I needed me time in the worst way...So I was hungry, grumpy, and frustrated with cabin fever.  If I didn't schedule some serious me time someone would get hurt (my husband since he was withholding the potatoes).  I finally said, I need to invest some money into a couple of classes this way I a scheduled to leave the house and my husband would need to be home to take care of the baby. 

I decided to do what every woman does when she is trying to get rid of those last 5 baby pounds, I took a burlesque class...Okay, so every woman doesn't do that, but that's what I did and it has been so much fun and a great workout.  Once this class is over I plan on taking more dance classes, not just to stay in shape but to keep my sanity...I no longer feel frustrated, I'm eating bread again and now I have a sexy dance I can do for my husband...Sorry was that too much info??

If your interested in taking a burlesque class, or any class with a Broadway theme check out broadwaybodies.com . They also teach classes that focus on popular music such as Micheal Jackson, Lady Ga Ga, and Britney Spears. The teachers are awesome and the workout is great!

You Know Your a Parent When....

When my son was 2 weeks old I was talking to my sister while getting ready to go out to dinner with my family and my new baby boy.  I looked at myself in the mirror, looked at her and said, "I know I'm a mother because I'm not going to change my shirt even though I'm wrinkled and there is some pee on it."  The main reason I didn't want to change my shirt beside laziness, was the fact that you weren't able to see the fat that was still lingering after only giving birth 2 weeks earlier...

That's the shirt...

For the last 6 months I've had several unforgettable moments where I say to myself, okay I get it I'm a mother; here are a few of those moments...

• I went for my 6 week pelvic exam after having my son and nobody was available to watch him.  Waiting took longer then expected and by the time I was called in Francisco was fussy and hungry.  My doctor told me to take my time and feed him, but he wasn't having it.  I thought I was going to have to reschedule for another day, instead I ended up breast feeding him while getting my pelvic exam...fun...

• I went to TD Bank with my friend Nia, it was a nice day and I was wearing a summer dress.  Francisco was being fussy and didn't want to be in his stroller so I was holding him.  As we were waiting on line I felt something warm on my body.  I moved Francisco away from me and that is when I saw it, the big wet spot on my dress.  But wait there's more...not only did he pee on me, he continued to pee all over the floor of TD Bank... Miraculously, the pee came from the side of his diaper and when it leaked none of the pee got on his onesie just on me and the floor.

• All my life I have seen my friends go and get family portraits done (family pictures at Sears...lol) .  My family never did that so I always found it to be strange to take a staged family photograph... At my baby shower my sister & brother-in-law gave me a gift certificate to a place called Portrait Bug where I could take pictures of the baby and get a special package of 3 pictures in a frame.  When Francisco became 3 months I went and had pictures taken.  Oh My Gosh!!! I was hooked.  So far I have gone in for three sessions and not only have I bought pictures every time, I put them in frames the same day I pick them up.  So I have become one of those parents and I plan on getting many family portraits taken in the future... (I have a 4th appointment at the end of this week)

I know that this is just the tip of the iceberg, and I'm in for hundreds of special and laughable moments when I'll say to myself "this is the life of being a Mom".  I will continue to share the extra funny moments... What are some of your eye opening moments of parenthood?  I would love for you to share them in the comments box, I'm sure everyone has some great stories...

A Day in the Life of a Mother on a Rainy Day at Home...

A couple of days ago I wrote about how I literally have nothing to talk about other then my son and being a mother. It's days like today that are the cause of that problem.  Yesterday was a rainy day and I decided to just stay home and be a couch potato since I had no plans. Many people ask me what its like to stay home everyday so I thought I would share my lazy day at home...

7:00am - Woke up to feed Francisco.

8:00am - Woke up and moved Francisco to my bed because he seemed fussy and unsettled.

9:30am - My husband woke me up because the super showed up to fix the bathroom sink in the bedroom.  Since I didn't know when he would be back I got up and we moved the baby upstairs, he slept for another 30-40 minutes. When Francisco woke up, I changed his diaper and he was in the middle of peeing, so....he got pee all over my pants but didn't get any on the sofa and that's what matters.

Between 9:30 & noon I ate some cereal, watched Lost Girl, played with Francisco and worked on the burping cloth I started weaving the night before.. Now playing means making him laugh so hard that he screams.  I have come to realize that I love the sound of his laugh more then anything else...

At around 12:30 Francisco took his first nap of the day.  I took advantage of this; I worked on my blog, watched some TV and I started working on another burping cloth.  I also made myself a salad.  I wanted to make some coffee but I would have woke him up grinding the beans.  Francisco slept until around 2:30.

Finally made coffee at around 3:00..

I would also like to mention that between 7am & 3:00pm I changed his diaper around 3 times, I washed his bottles, I changed his clothes and I discovered that he now enjoys playing peek-a-boo.


(Right now as I'm writing this my lovely son is producing a fantastically dirty diaper, I hear him grunting while playing with his ball...This means I must stop writing for a moment before the mess becomes out of hand, a dirty diaper can become a wardrobe change or even a bath if its not addressed right away...My days are so exciting...)

Between 3:00 & 4:00 I attempted to feed Francisco applesauce.  He ate 2 spoons and made a mess spiting out the applesauce I attempted to give him after those 2 spoons.. After around 10 minutes of that he started to make his frustrated sounds and face and gave me the sign for milk.. I gave up on the applesauce and made him a bottle...

Notice I haven't mentioned anything about taking a shower yet...

Between 4:00 & 7:30 Francisco took another nap after playing in his walker.  I made myself some dinner, a tuna burger and salad.  I did a little social networking, posted pictures of my burping cloths, read Crystal's blog, liked Erica's new facebook page, & finished and posted my blog.  Francisco woke up, I put him back in his walker and as I was starting to wash the dishes my husband came home..

After my husband came home I washed the dishes, took a long shower, changed into another set of pj's, and continued working on this blog while he fed the baby.  So there you go, that was my day... Francisco will go to sleep at around 10:30 after drinking another bottle.  Once he is asleep and in his crib I will pour myself a glass of wine and enjoy a couple of hours to relax with my husband (if he is not asleep on the couch), and off to bed so I can do it all again tomorrow...

Learn Some Stroller Etiquette Please...

 Etiquette: manners and rules that we use in social settings basically so we don't piss people off. 

Rules of etiquette are usually unwritten so unfortunately people tend not to have much etiquette, manners or consideration for others.  I actually grew up in a home where my parents stressed good manners, and consideration for others.  Of course they taught me to say please and thank you, but the also taught me to be mind full and considerate of the people around me.

When something new enters our society, like cell phones a whole new set of unspoken rules are written (unspoken being the operative word).  What I've come to fund out is that people don't have the good sense to know or follow these rules, they don't even realize that they are being rude.  For instance (and this is my biggest pet peeve) if your listening to music and you start to talk to someone, don't just turn off your music take off your headphones.  I feel this basic phone etiquette and is especially important when you are ordering something like food or coffee; give the people who are serving you the respect of your attention.

Sorry, I went into a mini rant, I really want to talk about some of the things I have witnessed out on the streets of New York City (mostly the Upper West Side) since I've become a mother.  I feel that there needs to be some kind of basic etiquette for parents and non parents.  Some people naturally do things that are polite, but I have come to find out that most people just look out for themselves...

These days strollers are ginormous, I am also guilty of having one.  I think the difference between myself and a lot of women out there is that I am perfectly aware that my stroller takes up way too much space and I do my best to get out of peoples way. Most of the time this is what I see.


1) The stroller wall: 3-4 women lined up next to each other walking down the street blocking everyone else from being able to get by.  2 women walking together takes up space, but when you get the wall there is just no place to go.

2) Stroller Block: Women who leave their stroller somewhere in the aisle of a store blocking everything.  This is particularly fun at the 74th Street Fairway where this isn't even room the people shopping with small baskets.

3) Stroller right of way: blocking the sidewalk with your stroller and not allowing the person with the stroller in the street to get on the sidewalk first.  This has to do with safety, now that I can block the path of people with my Cadillac of strollers I make sure to give people who are in the street the right of way especially other people with strollers and children.

4) Help me face:  Women take their very large strollers to places that have stairs, like the train.  If there is no elevator I've seen women linger at the bottom of the stairs hoping a nice person will help.  I think this bothers me the most because if you know you have to deal with stairs then you should be able to handle your stroller without help.  If I know I'm going to take the train I make sure to use stations that have elevators.  I have a link to the MTA website on my phone that has a list of all the stations with elevators in the city.  I also try not to take the rain during rush hour with my crazy big stroller, or, I just take the baby in the carrier so I don't have to worry about all that.

5) Non stroller owners please be considerate too: Now that I have ranted about all the things parents don't take into consideration when they are out with their strollers, here is a little something for everyone else....It is usually easier to get around with a stroller because there is just so much stuff you need to shlep around if your going to be out for several hours.  While I try hard to be considerate about the amount of space I take up please remember that you should be considerate too.  Too many times people have just stood and watched while I struggle opening doors, or just don't move when I try to get by even though I'm being considerate and not running you over with my monster truck stroller...Please have some etiquette too..

When it comes down to it, if everyone was just a bit nicer and used some etiquette this city would be a much happier place to have a stroller...

To Relax? or Wash the Dishes? That's the Question...

Yesterday, after a very rigorous play time at Gymboree I came home with my son and he napped for 3 glorious hours.  During the first hour or so of his nap I sat and got my social network on. I checked my Facebook, liked some statuses, commented on pictures.  I updated my Google+ picture and added a video.  I checked and replied to a couple of emails.  I also logged onto my twitter account and posted a tweet.  I tweeted "my munchkin is taking a nice long nap.. it gives me time to be on the computer when I really should be doing dishes..."  I felt compelled to tweet this because as I was getting my social network on I looked up at the dishes a couple of times thinking to myself that maybe I should take advantage of this time to do the dishes.  As this thought went through my head for like the 3rd or 4th time someone responded to my tweet, someone named Amanda tweeted back "Nothing wrong with that :)"  At that moment I wanted to yell (but I didn't because I would have woke up my son) "that's right there is nothing wrong with that!!!!" 

I feel like parents who stay home full time tend to put all this pressure on themselves to be this super mom or dad.  We get up every morning and start our day with feeding the baby, getting them dressed, & playing with them.  In between all of that you have to find the time to shower, get yourself dressed, eat (this is key, we tend to forget this until we are on the floor dying of hunger), and whatever else needs to get done.  Most of the time you haven't done anything for yourself because your waiting for them to take a nap so you can get yourself ready without interruptions...  There is nothing like trying to do your hair and makeup while attempting to entertain your 6 month old son.  What normally takes 10 maybe 15 minutes tops, can take 30-45 minutes...  I have to be a master multi-tasker, and when there is a time of the day that I can relax and do one thing at time its a gift.  If I'm really in a rush I'll stream video of the cartoon Pocoyo on my iPad for my son to watch.  I have become a pro at doing things in 7 minute increments because that is how long each cartoon lasts.  Of course I feel like a horrible parent that needs to put my child in front of the TV to get things done, but if I'm going to make it to places on time and get things done I need to give in sometimes...

When it comes down to it I try to balance my time as much as possible.  Some time for me, some time for my son, and some time for the dishes... If I need more time for me or him the dishes can wait for my husband to come home...lol

Baby talk...

 

Before I had a baby, was pregnant, or got married, I had a lot of interesting things going on in my life...I had so much to talk about, and I always had some place to go or someone to meet. I was passionate about my job, my family and my friends. When I was 28 I started dating my husband. We are both social butterflies and we went out all the time and had a great time, dancing, traveling, hanging out with friends, playing football and so much more....

Then it happened....I got engaged and that is when it started, the only thing people brought up and that I seemed to talk about was wedding related topics. Did you find dress? Where is the wedding? When is the bridal shower? Is there a theme? What kind of cake? Who are your bridesmaids? For almost 2 years my life was all about my wedding and all wedding events leading up to the wedding. I annoyed myself with the inability to talk about anything else. On the up side I still had my job which I loved and I still spent a lot of time with my friends, family and my fiancé. So from time to time I did have other things to talk about..

The wedding was over everything went back to normal for about 3 months. Then I got pregnant and it happened again, the only thing on my mind and the minds of others was my growing belly...and the conversations became, it's is a girl or boy? Are you planning a natural childbirth? What does it feel like when he kicks? Will you be moving from your fabulous upper west side apartment that has a backyard for something with more space?, and of course, can I see the ultrasound pictures? Mind you I didn't care about all the questions, it was the fact that I didn't seem to having anything else to talk about either....but wait it gets worse...

Finally on August 30th 2011 at 2:31am my son was born. I was so excited that I was finally a mother and I had a whole year off from work to enjoy with him. When I was getting married and pregnant I still worked and went out regularly so I had experiences and life to laugh and talk about with friends. Now, it's all baby talk, I literally have nothing else to talk about.

Unless you want to hear about how his diaper exploded at 5 Napkin Burger and how I was tempted to bath him in the bathroom sink, or how I was so excited that he held his head up for a full 7 minutes without crying, or about the time I had to breastfeed him while getting a pelvic exam because he was crying, then come on over and bring a large bottle of your favorite wine...lol

I have become the boring stay at home mom that only talks about her kid, yes I've become that woman. Not only is it the only topic I have to talk about, but I'm so cheerful about it. I think when I get started I'm just so happy to be talking to another adult that I don't notice the glazed over expression on their face. It turns out that other stay home moms are the only other people that don't mind all this baby talk. Mainly because they are in the same boat and also have nothing else to talk about.  It's great when I find another mother who has a child around the same age to hang out with.

I have worked very hard to schedule in adult time, not just with my husband but with other people.  I think people find it so funny how excited I get when I have a couple of hours without the baby. A couple of hours without drool, or singing, or diaper changes; it's very exciting. My advice to all the men and women out there who stay home with there kids all day, take classes, read or listen to books, magazines or watch the news when you can because you need things to talk about when you're with all the adults out there who don't have kids...good luck. :-)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Starbucks

The Last 3 Months

For the last three months I have been doing the Mami thing.  It has been an amazing ride so far and everyday I still can't believe I'm a parent.  Every week I try to visit my best friend Nia and she always looks at Francisco and then looks at me and says "you have a baby" and I say "I know its crazy".  You have 9 months to get use to the idea that your going to be a parent, but once it happens it's still unbelievable. 

It has not been an easy ride, there have been ups and downs and lots of things to figure out.  During the first couple of weeks I had some major cabin fever because I was told that I shouldn't exert myself for the first 2 weeks which meant that I shouldn't take long walks or lift anything heavier then my baby (7lbs).  Well I was going crazy, but luckily many friends and family came by to visit and keep me company with the baby.  During week three I got an infection in the milk ducts of my breast and I had a fever for about three days before I new what was happening.

My wonderful and loving husband who was able to stay home and help most day for the first two weeks got wrapped up in the beginning of the football season. He spent several nights hanging out until really late with his friends watching football; I wanted to kill him.  I also felt that he needed to help me out more with keeping the house together.  Instead of killing him we sat down and had a long talk about where I needed him to help. Now things are great and he is more aware of how he can help.  Now that he is super busy at work and is unable to help as much, we have hired 2 of my former students who are college bound to come once a week to clean up and do some laundry.  Now, instead of us cleaning when he is home we are able to spend time relaxing together.

The biggest problem that I had to solve was creating a schedule and routines for me and Francisco.  Now I make sure that I'm up by 9am.  We shower, eat and get dressed.  Mondays and Wednesdays we go to Gymboree. Tuesdays I go to Central Park for the walking tours if weather permits it.  On Thursdays I meet up with my mother and sister for lunch, and Friday I just make sure that we go on a long walk.  As long as I follow this weekly schedule I'm out of the house at least once a day and that makes a big difference.  Usually I also visit Nia at work or go for long walks in Riverside or Central Park.

So now that I have figured out a few things I hope that I can slowly add more activities to my days including this blog...